I suffer..

I knew it was coming, imminent,
something wasn’t quite right.
Clouded, fogged mind
and restless sleep at night.

That impending doom, a feeling
I just couldn’t shake.
Even as I lay still in darkness,
it’s still there when I wake.

Light impairs my eyes.
Each sound resembles a booming drum.
My body aches, tingles, pains
…Fuck, I wish I was numb.

Tears begin, sting, my pulse races
as I start to lose my sight.
The patterns, zig zags, are bewitching, but
each one causes me to fright.

Clutching at my aid, my pill,
I swallow, gulp and I know,
I need to be safe, I need to be home.
Walk fast, no, no, walk slow..

Don’t fall, I say, don’t fall,
just get to bed!
The journey there is long, harrowing,
I’m filled with utter dread.

The pain will come. Oh it will.
I’ll sleep and eventually the pain will go.
But I’ll be frail for days,
recovery is ever so slow.

It is not just a headache.
I live with the constant fear,
that my HM is forever with me.
Always, always, near.

R x

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